ok. ya. so, time... it was weird for me when i did the madness thing. i heard this analogy before, think it was by alan watts... we look through a hole in a fence and see a cat's head, then a body, then a tail. then we see it again walking in the other direction. head, body, tail. so, having a rational mind, we guess that head must cause body which leads to tail. but if we could jump the fence and really look at it, we'd see that really it's all one. i think maybe, all existence is like that. flows together in a way that is much more fluid and continuous than we normally think - things mutually arise, rather than fall like dominoes. based on resonance (like in music) and connections that we sometimes see and sometimes don't. if time is just a human construct, and if everything really is in the midst of its happening... then everything would affect everything else. the past would affect the present which would affect the future. (wagging the tail would affect the eyes of the cat) but also the other way around too. (the eyes of the cat would affect the wagging of the tail) our present, our actions, thoughts, feelings, everything, affects every other thing in existence, the future, the past, other times and places. maybe other dimensions too. so i think rather than waiting for a heaven, whether its a million years from now or after we die or whatever, knowing that it exists now, even though i might not be able to see it, and that my crying and dancing helps it in its birth of itself. :)

*from a conversation i had with carol*

so.... been reducing the mind-numbing, soul-killing meds they had me on for a while. and finally took my last piece of a pill last night. so hopefully i don't freak out. sometimes you have to jump though, even if you don't know where you're gonna land. but i was able to slowly integrate different aspects of me over the past couple years. so, i think i'll be alright.
anyways, some quotes on craziness:
"real value comes with madness" - Rumi
"one thought will come to you at night that will elevate you to glory or lead you to the asylum." - Kahlil Gibran
"don't forget love, it will bring all the madness you need to unfurl yourself across the universe." - Mirabai

but really, i think i'll be alright. and if i'm not, i'm not. but u gotta do what u gotta do.

http://sarasota.indymedia.org/local/activists-protest-st-petersburg-mayors-successes

Activists Protest St. Petersburg Mayor's "Successes"


On Saturday, November 7th, a “shindig” was held for St. Petersburg mayor Rick Baker. The private party, which cost between $125 and $10,000 to attend, was meant to celebrate the successes of mayor Baker. The party was originally scheduled to take place at Williams Park, a popular spot for the city’s homeless. After local activists pointed out the absurdity of kicking out homeless people from a park to hold a celebration for a mayor who has been anti-homeless and vowing to protest the celebration, organizers feared the negative attention and moved the event to Demen’s Landing, a less-accessible venue.

Event organizers for the “celebrate mayor baker” event planned to hold a fake event at Williams Park to keep demonstrators occupied. This, not surprisingly, didn’t work. Demonstrators lined the sidewalks at the entrance to Demen’s Landing denouncing mayor baker for ordering the tents of homeless people slashed and taking away people’s free speech rights on a public sidewalk in front of a downtown entertainment complex, among other issues. Activists from the refuge, fnb, and other organizations fed approximately 100 hungry and homeless people. Many of the homeless joined the protesters and held signs saying such things as “tent slashing and shredding the constitution – nice images” and “profit is not a constitutional right”.

There were a small number of counter-demonstrators from the Rick Baker Fan Club shouting slogans such as “What do we want? The same old shit! When do we want it? Forever!” They passed out a newsletter calling for vacating all the sidewalks in all of St. Petersburg in order to stop all protests and help struggling corporations. Bill U. Lots, a founding member of the Rick Baker Fan Club said, “If business had existed in 1789, then surely our Founding Fathers would have included Freedom of Business as the First Amendment, and Freedom of Speech would have been the second.” Warren Proffitt, another member of the Rick Baker Fan Club when asked why he came to the event, responded, “As a billionaire, I felt that I needed to show my support for Rick Baker, because, God knows, he has supported me.”

Protest at Baywalk, Friday 8:30pm

they voted to privatize the sidewalk... the corporate fucks don't know who they're dealing with. don't know when to cut their losses.

somebody was kind enough to post cw capital's email addresses of their CEO's and presidents and stuff on the sarasota indymedia page... it's under comments
http://sarasota.indymedia.org/local/free-speech-activists-battle-baywalk
(that was nice of them)

and here's the video of the fight at city hall yesterday. a free speech activist was attacked by a city council member's brother. but our guy took him down.
VIDEO - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMjt-xrwLl0

http://sarasota.indymedia.org/local/free-speech-activists-battle-baywalk

City Council votes to keep sidewalk public

Yesterday, the St. Petersburg city council voted down the city’s plan to hand over the public sidewalk to Baywalk. As WMNF said, this was a “major victory for local civil rights activists”. This struggle offers an example of how grassroots activism can win out over large, well-funded, media-backed corporate interests. Free speech supporters from the ACLU, Veterans for Peace, The Uhuru Movement, NAACP, The Refuge, concerned students from Eckerd and USF, city officials and hopeful city officials, and many citizens united to protect First Amendment rights in St. Petersburg.

videos:
Channel 8/TBO - http://www2.tbo.com/video/2009/oct/01/baywalk-sidewalk-stays-public-24459/video-news/
ABC Action News - http://www.abcactionnews.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=17969@wfts.dayport.com&navCatId=3
10Connects.com - http://www.wtsp.com/video/default.aspx?aid=91386

articles:
St. Pete Times - http://www.tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/article1040700.ece
Creative Loafing - http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2009/10/01/st-petersburg-city-council-votes-not-to-privatize-baywalk-entryway/
Tampa Tribune - http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/oct/01/011704/some-some-against-privatization-baywalk-sidewalk/

indymedia audio and video - http://indypgh.org/g20/#

crimethinc writeup (a little dreamy and overly optimistic but in my opinion accurate) - http://crimethinc.com/texts/recentfeatures/g20.php

from reporting by the nation - 6,000 police/military and $19 million
and corporate media coverage -- police crack down on expressing unconditional love... lol. fuckers! ---

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5ikzJsIEhXOpoZwkHOU6HsE0wyh1g

don't know if this one is finished... but havent' added anything else to it for a couple weeks so ???

i am a feminist. i am pro-women
and that doesn’t mean I’m anti-men
it means I don’t want my future friends and lovers
to be raped like past ones have been.
it means opposing our rape culture that says ‘boys will be boys’
like somehow that justifies violence, domination,
and treating other human beings like toys.
it means challenging the perceptions that
no means something other than no,
and all girls are supposed to look and act like barbie
and all guys like g.i.joe.

i am a feminist. i am pro-women.
i understand that we have two ears and one mouth
to talk half as much as we listen.
i recognize those brave souls who have had their voices denied
again and again
but despite the repression find a way
to transform their silence into language and action.
let’s look to them for leadership and answers
and not rely on the same way of thinking that leads us to
spray poison on food
and then wonder at the high prevalence of cancers.

i am a feminist. i am pro-women.
it means much much more
than the right of a girl to have an abortion.
in this era of neoliberal imperialism
something has worth only if its bought and sold.
but women know too well that this is no new war.
and that the urge to control and possess everything
is as sick as it is old.
cloning and terminator seeds are attempts to have
the biological functions of women stolen or killed.
how would you like to live in a world
where if your kid came out with green eyes, you’d get billed?
they’re patenting life and turning it into a commodity
calling it science and progress when they rape something’s biology.

i am a feminist. i am pro-women.
and that’s doesn’t mean I’m anti-men
it means I believe that women have more to offer society
and us guys than household chores and places to put our dicks in.
it means that without the virtues of listening,
nurturing, feeling and loving
we have no hope of understanding the complex issues we face,
let alone the chance of overcoming.
it means choosing interbeing rather than isolation
and connectedness and mutuality over domination.
choosing humanity over narrow conceptions of maleness
and through it all finding hidden depths
to ourselves in the process.
it means rejecting anyone else’s definition of who I am
and coming up with my own ideas
about what it means to be a man.
to me, it means being free to be strong,
and at the same time vulnerable and capable of feeling pain.
it means being free to love, scream, cry,
dance, play, and run in the rain.
it means having my share of rage, and putting it to good use
letting the untamed, wild warrior in me loose.
it means being empathic and sexual
earthly and spiritual
passionate and rational
compassionate and unfashionable
giving instead of taking
sharing instead of raping
accepting all this and everything else that’s a part of me
choosing exactly who I want to be.
ignoring the masochistic demands of patriarchal society.
being beautiful, complete and whole
and deserving of all the beauty and love that I get
from everyone I know.

good luck trying to tame our hearts
you have a better chance domesticating the wind.
you are scared of our beginning
but we aren't in the least afraid of your end.
we don't fear the destruction of your world
and everything you know
only when weeds are uprooted does a
vegetable garden have a chance to grow.
we hold new worlds within us
screaming to come into existence
and neither jail nor death can silence us
or put a stop to our resistance.
we are tired of selling our days just to be
trampled on by the iron heels of those above.
you call us extremists
but you've done far worse to those we love.
know that just as surely as a mother protects her child
and compost turns into flowers
the earth's deepest desires will come to life
and we will come for what's ours…

my dresser:





and me playing dress up and trying to look tough: